A normally sane and rational man has become addicted to responding to clickbait questions posted on Twitter by betting accounts.
“It’s a compulsion. I know it’s wrong but I just can’t stop myself,” admitted 43-year-old Nigel McTavish.
“If I post a reply and it doesn’t get any likes then I’ll just respond to another account seconds later in the hope that I can make the difference up.
“My wife said enough was enough and left me. I’ve lost literally thousands of hours.”
McTavish began replying to these accounts as a bit of fun, to make games that bit more exciting.
But his life was turned upside down when he replied to a poll about who was going to win the League Two play-offs with a GIF of Alan Partridge shrugging.
“My phone went crazy, at least 13 likes and a retweet,” a disheveled McTavish continued, his eyes reddening.
“I felt great, like I knew more about the game than the experts.
“But since that day I’ve been chasing that buzz and I just can’t recreate it.
“The tragedy is that these accounts don’t even care about my opinions. The questions are posed by smartarse 20-year-olds tasked with playing to the tribal emotions of moronic fans with stupidly outlandish questions and comparisons that will drive yet more tossers into a needless debate and promote their employer’s brand for free, all the time smugly mocking the very people they are attempting to appeal to.
“I’m such a twat.”