Women are rubbish at football, claims fat bloke who was always last to get picked at school

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Women are shit at football and should stick to cooking and ironing, a man has claimed.

Eighteen-stone lardarse Karl Squelch made the statement when the landlord of the Butcher’s Arms pub accidentally put an Arsenal Ladies match on the big screen when searching for a proper game last week.

Within seconds, the barman spotted his boss’ error. But before he could change the channel the quick-witted Squelch cracked his hilarious joke, which was met by cheers and laughter from fellow drinkers.

“You’re shit, get back in the kitchen,” the sharp-as-a-knife banter boy shouted at the screen.

“Women are only good for the housework and cooking.

“If they really wanted to do something energetic they should try sucking my knob.”

After delivering his final line, Squelch had revellers in hysterics, to the point that one man even offered him a pork scratching.

However, not everyone agreed with the 32-year-old’s comments.

“He’s a fine one to talk,” fumed long-suffering girlfriend Shona Jones.

“When we were at school he was always last to get picked and he used to cry about it. 

“If that’s not sad enough, the last time the neighbours’ kids kicked the ball over our fence it took him seven attempts to get it back over.

“And if his body was half as toned and athletic as those ladies he might even have a chance of getting his tiny knob sucked for the first time in a decade.”

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