FA Cup or Royal Wedding: Which plastic flag waving idiot are you?

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Britain will grind to an excited standstill today, enthralled by the wonder of a Royal Wedding and the FA Cup final. But which one will you be going to?

“A load of plastic flag waving morons desperately cheering out-of-touch millionaires like the desperate, starry-eyed plebs that they are? No thanks, I’ll be spending my Saturday at the Royal Wedding.”

Fanny Cupcakes, 87, Carlisle

“What a shocking waste of money. Think of all the good you could do in this country with £32 million. But enough about Victor Lindelof, I’m buzzing for Meghan and Harry.”

Gary Spanner, 12, Watford

“Two entitled elites brought together at a soulless building with no atmosphere? Not a chance, it’s the football for me.”

Trevor Gogglebox, 45, Truro

“I have absolutely no interest in Prince Harry, Meghan Markle or the Royal family. But I’d rather be there than anywhere near Chelsea Football Club.”

Antonio Conte, 48, Italy

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