Real Madrid confirmed they have received an application for their vacant managerial role from a mystery man called Sam Allerdici.
Within minutes of Zenedine Zidane announcing his resignation the European champions had been emailed their first CV, from a gaffer claiming to have top flight and international experience.
“I’ve never heard of him,” said Los Blancos press officer Juan Mentiras.
“The covering letter stated he would win the league every year if he managed Real Madrid or Inter Milan.
“It sounded promising but then started banging on about bringing Kevin Davies out of retirement and being a superb keynote speaker.
“I presume he’s just one of those unoriginal twats who once did ok on Football Manager.”