David Moyes tells Manchester United he’s available to see out the final year of his contract

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David Moyes has hinted to Manchester United that he would be willing to see out the final year of his Old Trafford contract.

“I arrived for work yesterday to see this bloke hanging around the car park,” said stadium tour guide Ralph Kettle.

“I thought it was a little odd as we don’t normally get autograph hunters at this time of year, definitely not at 6am.

“When I got a little closer I saw that it was Moyesy. He didn’t look any different to when he signed his six-year deal with us back in 2013 – apart from the gaunt features and bloodshot eyes.”

Moyes recognised Kettle instantly and greeted him with a warm embrace.

“I asked him what he was doing here at that time of day and he casually shrugged and said he was just passing.

“But then he started speaking faster, asking how Ed Woodward was and telling me ‘you must all be fed up with that bus-parking wanker.’”

“He then dropped to the floor and, holding into my leg, said he was still available for the final year of his contract and that he was a better manager for his experiences in Spain, Sunderland and London.

“I didn’t tell Ed. He’s a busy man.”

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