Your partner’s thinking about Gareth Southgate every time you have sex – study

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Your partner fantasises that she’s getting rutted by Gareth Southgate every time you have sex, a new study has revealed.

Scientists have discovered that between 99.5 and 99.8% of English women think about the Three Lions manager whenever they’re getting down and dirty with their lovers.

“He may have missed from the spot at Euro ‘96, but Gareth hits the spot every time when I’m imagining it’s him drunkenly thrashing away on top of me after Coronation Street,” said Newcastle housewife Edith Sparkplug, who wished to remain anonymous.

“He’s certainly a great man-manager in the bedroom, making sure I go first in every shootout.”

The findings, from a survey carried out by Skegness University, also discovered that Waistcoat Wednesday saw a dramatic rise is nookie as women were finding it easy to imagine they were doing it with the former Crystal Palace defender.

“With so many men dressed as the England gaffer it was remarkably simple for women to squint or drink a bit too much and make their roleplaying desires even more vivid,” said Prof Dave Telescope.

“It’s no real surprise to us that Gareth has become the nation’s favourite sex symbol as he combines every woman’s two favourite fantasies – the strong leadership skills and primeval prowess of Khal Drogo and the look and dress sense of their husband’s dependable best man.”

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